i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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