Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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