MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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