I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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