hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
