She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
