Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
