dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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