I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize