i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
