**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
