Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
