We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
