Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
