Apparently you make a good broom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
