I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
