Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
