I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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