it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i've created a new STD.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
