Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
