I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
