does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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