so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
