I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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