youre lurking in front of me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
