i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
