never play flip cup with pint glasses
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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