I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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