now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
