I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
