WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
