need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize