You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
