Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize