I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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