I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
FUCK WHALES
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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