I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
