dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
