If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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