I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
