I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
