I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
