If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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