So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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