Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
