just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
