wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
