y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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