I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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