I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
