discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
