He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
