I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh god it's open bar.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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