So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
