Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
