Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
