Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
