my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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