this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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