i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
