i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
