Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
