You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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