After last night, I could never be a politician.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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