okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
